what do you mean by "aromantic bisexual asexual"?
why i use "bisexual aroace"
The experience of attraction is desiring to be in a relationship of some sort (or engage in relationship-associated behaviors) with someone based on their traits. What traits attraction is based on varies from person to person and can include both appearance and personality, but no matter what it's based on, you're desiring a relationship with this specific person because some things about them make them feel desirable or compatible.
I don't experience that. I don't experience attraction. I don't experience romantic, sexual, queerplatonic... I don't experience any forms of attraction. I never meet someone and find myself wanting to date them because they're the "right' kind of person for me, and that doesn't develop later on, either. But I find people interesting, and I find the concept of relationships interesting. I'm curious about people, and relationships, and emotions. So, if it feels like the logical next step in a friendship, or a good way to get to know them better, or I just want to see what dating them is like, I'll date people. And I'll love them, and that can include romantic love, for me. The concept of romance is subjective, but with the way that I understand it and relate it to myself, romantic love is something I experience.
My relationships are not purely romantic. I don't usually put a label on them, but if I do, it's alterous. The earliest known definition of alterous defines it as a term for emotional closeness for which neither platonic nor romantic is completely accurate, and it was not originally used for attraction. There is some level of romantic love to some of my relationships, but they are not defined by romance. They are not sexual, despite what some may infer from the bisexual label. I love the bisexual label; I love it as an umbrella term for attraction to multiple genders. Sexuality isn't about sex, and the majority of bisexuals include their romantic attraction as a part of their bisexuality. I used multiromantic for a while, but it doesn't have the same history and community and it has an emphasis on romance that I just don't want. To me, bisexual doesn't feel like it emphasizes either romantic or sexual relationships over the other, and many people share that opinion.
I feel left out in aromantic queer spaces because I experience romantic love, and I feel left out in alloromantic queer spaces because I don't experience attraction. The bisexual community wasn't defined by attraction until very recently. Really, there wasn't a definition for the community because no matter how they defined it, community members would always be left out. It was a community for any queer person who didn't fit in with the lesbian and gay communities, and it was still defined in part by relationships, but not necessarily by attraction. It was more of a "having the capacity to be in relationships with people of multiple genders" than "being attracted to people of multiple genders." Aromantic and asexual people were bisexual, gays and lesbians were bisexual, trans people were bisexual - it wasn't limited by attraction. I feel an attachment to that community and I label as bisexual because of it, but the modern bisexual community doesn't share that same inclusivity. I am expected by bisexuals to be attracted to people; I am expected by aromantics to not romantically love people.
aspec-inclusive bisexual community spaces and definitions
"Personally, I think that words like “idiosexual,” which means “individual-sexual,” or “autosexual,” which means “self-sexual,” would be more accurate, since our uniqueness lies in our determination to define our own individual sexualities, whether we choose to be open to all possibilities or not."
1962, x
"Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender."
1976, x
"In investigating the complexities of choosing a label to describe one’s sexuality, it was found that actual sexual activity doesn’t necessarily bear any relation to the labels chosen. These seem to be randomly rejected, accepted or imposed for a wide variety of different reasons. And the relative importance of sexual attraction, sexual experiences, love and affection differed enormously from person to person."
1986, x
"Do not expect a clear-cut definition of bisexuality to jump out from the pages. We bisexuals tend to define bisexuality in ways that are unique to our own identity. There are as many definitions of bisexuality as there are bisexuals."
1990, x
"Bisexuality is not a counterfeit behavior, lifestyle, or sexual orientation for the millions of people in this country who have either a sexual attraction to or engage in sexual activity with both sexes. It is a welcome relief and a flexible alternative to the rigid and culturally defined norms of both heterosexuality and homosexuality. As bisexuals, I believe we all have accepted the premise that there should be no universal map of how one can love or be loved in return."
"I relate bisexuality to openness. It is, for me, a willingness to acknowledge feelings, despite prevailing taboos, and to break down the prefabricated barriers that our culture instills within us. In this light, my bisexual identity is one of recognition of each individual's potential to contribute in some way to my life, whether as friend, lover, acquaintance, or otherwise."
"Bisexual simply means the potential for involvement with either gender. This may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy."
"I think of it as more bi-sensual; the sensuality comes from the heart, not from the genitals."
"But if it rejects us, the gay movement loses more than numbers and strategic force. It also loses another opportunity, similar to that offered by other "sexual minorities," to re-examine its commitment to sexual freedom rather than to mere interest-group politics. What would it mean for the gay movement to acknowledge that some people experience their sexuality as a lifelong constant, others as a series of stages, some as a choice, and many as a constant flux?"
"Bisexuality is much more than, and different from, the sensationalized "third choice," "best-of-both-worlds" phenomena it's made out to be. Bisexuality is an inclusive term that defines immense possibilities available to us, whether we act on them or not. It opens doors and accepts all the in-betweens, including the more conforming "accepted" ways we've identified in the past or will in the future."
"More than having sexual relations with both genders, bisexuality is a mind frame, a reference point from which to view the world. Being bisexual has more to do with potential than actuality."
"That's true. And my whole belief system is that bisexual is probably far more the reality than a pure het or homo. Especially if you accept the fact that bisexuality is not only a physical interaction but also an emotional connection also. We do have affections for both men and women. We may choose to act with this specific person or this specific gender, but that doesn't imply that we're not capable of physically interacting with the opposite sex. That's another myth that's not true."
"Bisexual: people who have erotic, affectionate, romantic feelings for, fantasies of, and experiences with women and men, and/or who self-identify as bisexual."
"Yes, some of us are swingers, and some of us are married and monogamous; some of us are proud dykes and faggots, sex radicals and sexworkers, and parents and grandparents; some are prudes and some are celibates. Some of us are transvestites and transsexuals. Many of us are courageous people living with AIDS and HIV infections. We are all ages, colors, abilities, ethnicities, classes. Our identity as bisexual people and our desire for recognition unites us. The diverse voices in this section are but a slice of the emerging bisexual community. They speak to the trials, tribulations, and joys of being bisexual and of the right to love whomever we choose."
1991, x
"If the bi movement accepts every other sexual minority under the umbrella label of “bisexual” and forms an enormous sexual minority community, it will grow so rapidly as to overwhelm all opposition to its agenda. Or, at least, it will grow much more rapidly than a bi-specific group."
1992, x
"Another individual indicated that he is both asexual and multisexual."
1994, x
“Many bisexual respondents described bisexuality as a potential or as an essential quality that many people possess, but that only some people express through actual feelings of attraction or sexual behavior. According to this definition, people can be – and are – bisexual without ever experiencing an attraction to one sex or the other and without ever having sexual relations with one sex or the other. In contrast to lesbian respondents, most of whom define a bisexual as a person who feels attracted to or has sexual relations with both sexes, very few bisexual women define bisexuals as people who necessarily have these actual emotional and physical experiences.”
“[In a 1992 issue of The Advocate], Nona Hendryx’s interviewer used the word 'bisexual,’ and Hendryx did not reject the word but said, 'I try to think of myself as asexual."
1995, x
"Bisexuality is both only sexual and also asexual. To be a Kinsey 3 is to be equally attracted to men and women, i.e. completely bisexual; it is also to be equally unattracted to men and women, i.e. completely asexual. Bisexuality is never about two, only about one - asexual, or self-fulfilling - or three - continuously and equally attracted to both men and women."
1997, x
"The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established lesbian and gay communities."
1998, x
"I have identified myself at different times as lesbian, as bisexual, as pansexual, as asexual, and all of these things have been true. But I believe that we must be careful not to allow the labels we adopt to separate us one from another even within the GLBT community."
2000, x
"Bisexuality itself has infinite flavors-omnisexual, polyamorous, queer, pansexual, bi-curious, asexual, trisexual (“I’ll try anything!”), bi-friendly, ambisexual, heteroflexible, transgendered, intersex, metasexual, and multisexual. / And nobody would talk to you or sleep with you because it was 1971 and who knew from bisexual? Gay rights barely existed, let alone any notion of pansexuality or polyamory or sex and romance that was not based on gender essentialism."
2005, x
"I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted — romantically and/or sexually — to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way and not necessarily to the same degree."
2014, x
"Aces were bi only 20 years ago. “Bi” was the umbrella diagnosis if you weren’t a gold star gay."
2016, x
“When I grew up, heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual were explicitly not specifically sexual. “It’s not about sex!” was a battlecry. This was emphasized frequently as people would sit there trying to come up with some gotcha that meant that you couldn’t be gay and a virgin at the same time. Or — and this is important: that you couldn’t be queer if you weren’t interested in sex. While it’s not necessarily the same as explicitly affirming asexuality, this was a way in which the asexual experience was made intelligible under the mainstream organization of sexuality."
“During a time in which being aro or ace (or aroace) was even less intelligible to the mainstream — or even the mainstream queer community — than it is now, where were the ace and aro bi people? Where did they organize under when trying to deal with monosexism? Where did they vent their frustrations over LG exclusion? Where did they openly talk about their attractions? Who were they fighting alongside? Bisexuals. They were with the bisexuals. They were bisexuals.”
2016, x
“[A]s a bi trans woman who was there and actually saw aroaces being part of the bi community and putting in the work and dealing with the oppression… The bi community was actively rejecting definitions beyond ‘not gay, not straight’ into the mid-90s, because every definition offered excluded some of its members.”
2016, x
"Historically, bisexuality has been understood as a fixed third identity category (sometimes positioned at the midpoint between heterosexuality and homosexuality), involving attraction to, or behaviours with, men and women. Alternatively, it has been positioned as a fluid identity, which offers the capacity for identity not to be limited by gender, and to incorporate changes in attraction and behaviour over time and/or on a wide spectrum or continuum."
2020, x